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Joke of the Day

"My mom said her day at work today made her feel like punching babies I told her to punch herself in the stomach"

"Are you still looking for a job? I hear they're hiring at the zoo circumcising elephants. The pay is small, but the tips are big!"

"Did you hear about the latest Calvin Klein Lawsuit? Yeah - but it wasn't much of a suit. It was actually a brief case."

"i did a lot of experimenting in my teen years. i knew that's what i'd have to do to become the caliber of scientist i am today"

"Woman is at a maternity hospital in a lot of pain. Her husband strokes her back and says, ""I'm sorry sweety, you have to go through this"" She says, ""Don't worry. It's not your fault."""

"What do you call it when a pickle masturbates? Gherkin off"

"Woah guys, did you hear Oxygen and Magnesium got together? OMg!"

"I really want to see that movie about Tom Cruise But I don't think it's ever gonna come out"

"Press reporter asks NASA director 'what did the kepler telescope find out today' ? Water on Mars."

"So I was driving down the street when I saw a couple guys trying to take an old lady's purse. I ran her over to help We got it off her eventually"