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Joke of the Day

"So I was driving down the street when I saw a couple guys trying to take an old lady's purse. I ran her over to help We got it off her eventually"

"My dad doesn't see why he should pay a mechanic to rotate his tires. He says they're rotating the entire time he's driving!"

"Me: ""What's wrong?"" Wife: ""Nothing's wrong."" [Sighs heavily. Rolls eyes. Clenches jaw. Bursts into flame.] Me: ""I think something's wrong."""

"""Excuse me, but the sign says 'No shirt, no shoes, no service.' It doesn't say a goddamn thing about no pants."" - Me, drunk at Target"

"I feel like I've eaten three countries! ...namely Turkey, Chile and Greece."

"If the Pope could smell my farts right now he'd cancel Christmas."

"Here's a quick joke for all you telepathic people out there."

"texting and driving is dangerous because u might accidentally text the lips emoji to your boss"

"What do you call a fake noodle an impasta"

"I work as a dishwasher, Its a pretty dishgusting job."