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Joke of the Day

"I think somebody went on my Facebook without me knowing... Everything on it is French now."

"While stalking someone on Facebook, I accidentally liked a picture 700 tags deep. Not even Yahoo! Answers has a solution for this."

"Cop: we know you're in there. Me in a French accent: I am not ere, I am in France. Cop: when will you be back? Me: je ne comprends pas"

"Apparently saying 'exist over there' while pointing is not the best way to greet people in the mornings."

"Q: What's long and hard and has cum in it? A: a cucumber"

"I'm going to have to rethink my time machine rental business. People keep bringing them back a day before they rented them."

"Remember when you were young and everything was new and you were filled with optimism and hope? Anyway here's a new thing to buy from Apple."

"I kidnapped this girl last night... And she yelled ""Please, I don't want to die a virgin!"". If that isn't consent, I don't know what is."

"I got done for shoplifting today. I paid for six cans of Sprite at the self checkout, but when security checked my bag he discovered I'd picked 7 up."

"She wants to know what I accomplished on my day off, but when I show her she yells at me for not flushing. Marriage is hard."