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Joke of the Day

"I'm on chapter two of the dictionary and this thing is just so disconnected. Like, what happened to the aardvark from the beginning?"

"We finally have definitive proof that Osama bin Laden is dead. He just registered to vote in Chicago."

"What do you call a cross between a turducken and a tofurkey? A turfucken."

"What do you call a witness to an event in the Middle East? A Dubaistander. Yeah I thought of it myself."

"The odds of an asteroid hitting Earth are the same as one bullet hitting another bullet in a duel. Dinosaurs: We'll take those odds!"

"You know your life sucks... when your job sucks, your car sucks, your house sucks, but your wife doesn't. - Sorry if it's a repost."

"How to become a The Fray fan in easy steps - Step 1: You say, ""We need to talk..."""

"""Let's go with a clown, a penguin, and a guy that tells riddles."" - The guy who came up with batman's villains."

"[shipwreck diary] Day 44: Some of the survivors have resorted to drinking their own piss. Nobody wants to drink mine cos it's 'too chunky'."

"I like my coffee like I like my women... Black. Bitter. And preferably farmed by African slaves"