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Joke of the Day

"Stop fcukin whining about being alone and lower your standards like the rest of us."

"I have a dollar bill pressed between my chin and my chest.....who am i? Christopher Reeve at a strip club."

"I could see every bottle of ketchup in the restaurant. Heinz sight is 20/20."

"Why doesn't Jesus play basketball anymore? Because he got all crossed up..."

"Nature fact: The female cat gives birth to the body and head of her kittens separately and has to screw the head in like a lightbulb."

"Egyptian joke A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher."

"The year is 2005. Hollaback Girl is playing. We find a table and discuss how we each decided on our MySpace top 8. Everyone is ok with this."

"(Final maths exam) Q: what are the two small horizontal parallel lines? a) double negative b) equals c) eleven fell over"

"Q: How do you get a clarinet player to play louder? A: You can't!"

"What do you call having sex in a canoe? Bud Light, because it's fucking close to water."