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Joke of the Day

"(Final maths exam) Q: what are the two small horizontal parallel lines? a) double negative b) equals c) eleven fell over"

"What's the stupidest prank someone tried pulling on you? My sister just told me she was pregnant and I was the father. Does she really think I'm that dumb? I'm 100% sure she's on birth control."

"I was gonna tell you about anal But fuck it"

"Do you know the biggest difference between Mexico and China? China paid for it's wall."

"You don't need a parachute to go sky diving You need a parachute to go sky diving twice"

"Did you know that if you squint at a cat and it squints back, it's the cat's way of saying ""What the f are you looking at?!"""

"I used to work for Goodyear, but I had to quit... I got too tired."

"Jimmy was blowing bubbles in the bathtub... then Bubbles got up and left."

"My SO told me she had never heard of Einstein's Theory of Relativity before today. I said, ""It's about time!"""

"I robbed a place with my boner and said it was a gun... I got a pretty STIFF punishment. I did HARD time. It was LONG sentence."