79497

Joke of the Day

"Based on how I startle when toast pops up, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion."

"10 ways to avoid clickbait! Well, that wasn't one of them.."

"What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? Dubai doesn't like the Flinstones but Abu Dhabi do"

"The only good thing about grinding your teeth at night is that every morning you can wake up and do a line of teeth off your pillow"

"{at fancy restaurant} Waiter: *pulls out chair* Me: ""Don't make this weird, dude."""

"A girl compliments a guy on his new phone. Girl: 'Nice phone!' Guy: ' Thanks! I won it in a race.' Girl: ' Who were the participants?' Guy: ' The owner, the cop and me. '"

"Doctor: ""We got your test results back. I'm so sorry--it's Curiosity."" Cat: ""Oh my god..."""

"What's the most difficult thing about roller-blading? Telling your parents that you are a faggot!"

"What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Strokin' Off"

"I used to sanitize my son's bottles and Lysol his toys. Then I caught him chewing on the dog's tail."