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Joke of the Day

"Saw a monarch butterfly today, what made it special is that it was the first time it wasn't stamped on top of a strippers ass."

"I'm really bad at measuring the correct amount of pasta, so if you and 79 of your friends want spaghetti tonight, come over"

"If I had all the money in the world to do whatever I wanted I'd be the next US president"

"November 5, 2010 I hate the muppets bcuz of the Pig girl, she was disgusting, i hate her with my life, she doesnot leave the lizard alone"

"I kept getting asked to stop singing ""What is Love?"". My response to this is always the same... ""I would stop if I Haddaway"""

"Life is like a pubic hair on a toilet seat... sooner or later you'll get pissed off."

"What do you call a deer with no eyes? I have no ideer."

"What did Jesus say to the man with leprocy? OOPS! GOT YOUR NOSE!"

"dating tip #4: when meeting her brother for the 1st time make sure when he goes for the handshake u kiss him on the lips to assert dominance"

"Based on all the white smoke billowing out, I think my lawn mower just picked a new pope."