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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One is a Goodyear and one is a great year"

"How do you know someone went to Harvard? They tell you."

"I wish it was my job to sit around laughing at tweets all day. Actually, he is unaware, but that's what my boss is paying me to do anyway."

"What's black, white, and red all over? A dying nun."

"*Sees ant carrying a leaf that weighs 3x its body weight* Wife: Can you imagine being that strong? Me: *Picking up leaf* Yes."

"Why did the Carpenters wife leave him? Because he was screwing around."

"I like my women how i like my coffee Without a penis"

"If you are a driver who swerves right before turning left, take a long hard look in the mirror, and then punch yourself in the face."

"Some vampires went to see Dracula. They said ""Drac we want to open a zoo. Have you got any advice?"" ""Yes"" replied Dracula ""have lots of giraffes."""

"[OC] What does a blind pessimist say? ""What glass?"""