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Joke of the Day

"Why do woman have faces? So you know what cunts yours. I have to get a ratio of woman to man down/up votes for this haha.."

"A man was arrested on Brighton beach today for throwing pebbles at the sea birds. He was accused of having left no tern unstoned."

"Hitlers Joke My dog has no nose. Well how does it smell? Awful."

"M'lady, What is the most beautiful thing in the world? Is it your right thigh, or your left? Or does the answer lie somewhere in the middle?"

"Me to 2yo: Hey bud, what are you having for breakfast? Sausage? Eggs? Hash browns? Oh... 8 forkfulls of ketchup? Good job!"

"My wife kicked me out due to my obsession with rubbing different types of pasta. Im feeling cannelloni right now."

"Jan 1st, 2017: I'm finally going to start learning guitar. haha only kidding I'll probably just ride out my current interests until I die."

"""I left you a voicemail."" You honestly might as well have written it on a post-it and thrown it into the sea."

"An apple a day keeps my fruit-picking business trapped in bankruptcy."

"If any of my jokes or status have offended you, I am truly sorry......... that you're such a pu$$y......."