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Joke of the Day

"""I left you a voicemail."" You honestly might as well have written it on a post-it and thrown it into the sea."

"What do you call spaghetti pretending to be rigatoni? An impasta"

"Cream? Sugar? Fuck you, I want 2 cubes of chicken bullion in my coffee. I've got man's work to do."

"Girls of Reddit what do you like in a man Lol we all know girls don't do the ""Internet""."

"My first dad joke So, early this morning my wife got up and questioned me after I got up early with our son and fed him. Her: Did you get our son sick? Me: Nope, I got him cereal."

"How do you turn a fox into a cow? You marry her."

"I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it. I returned it. Now where to spend my $608?"

"What did the snobby bird say to the poor bird? *Cheep, cheep.*"

"What do you call people who use the pull out method? Parents"

"I love money. I set it free and it didn't come back. Relationships are hard."