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Joke of the Day

"If any of my jokes or status have offended you, I am truly sorry......... that you're such a pu$$y......."

"Me: I hit the ejector seat and sent her through the roof by accident Cop: you're under arrest. I'm taking you to jail Me: let's take my car"

"If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself the accident would not have happened."

"What's Ellen Pao's husband's favourite web plugin? Ponzi Buddy."

"Bathroom Boy: Can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: Only if you can say the alphabet Boy: OK abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz Teacher: Where's the p? Boy: ""Half way down my leg."

"My doctor told me I am anorexic Now I have that to deal with on top of being fat"

"If I had a dollar for every time I stepped on the cat when I arrived home... I could afford to wipe my shoes on a proper door mat"

"Why do lesbians shop at sport authority? Because they don't like Dick's"

"PROPOSAL: Rebrand shootings as ""late-term abortion."" Watch the GOP scramble to stop them."

"Why did the boy fall off the bike? Someone threw a fridge at him.... Gold"