120773

Joke of the Day

"*job interview* ""So this yearbook isn't your resume?"" ""No. I'm not a moron. Those are my references. I highlighted all the NEVER CHANGE's."""

"Bummed that there's no obvious place to insert a $ into my name."

"Did you hear about the Italian chef? He pasta way :("

"What is it called when a large piece of foliage is the same on both sides? Symmetree."

"I imagine some people are like...: 'should I take the shower?...no...I'm taking the train today...'"

"Aspirin is a Placebo!!! That sense of relief you're feeling is all in your head."

"A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his pants The bartender asks whats up with the wheel on his pants. The pirate responds with ""Yarr, it's driving me nuts."""

"No thanks, Party Casino; if I wanted to gamble when watching porn, I'd start the video with the volume on full and my door wide open."

"My mother asked me today if I was more attracted to breasts or butts.. I told her to shut up and put her robe back on."

"Subway's Jared Fogle sentenced to 15.6 years... Where his diet will be regulated to just 6 inchers."