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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I make statements in the tone of a question?"

"Russia's attitude towards the West is sometimes... Off-Putin."

"What's the difference between a white girl who likes to tan and a burger? They both need to be flipped every 10 mins, but only one turns pink when its done."

"I have a stalker now and it's super creepy. She shows up wherever I go... her house, her job, the women's restroom. I don't know what to do."

"I went out for a pelican curry last night.... It was really nice, but the bill was enormous!"

"My dancing style can best be described as ""Guy On Maury Who Just Found Out He Isn't The Father."""

"What do Indian girls have at sleepovers? Pilau Fights."

"I put on a pretty expensive perfume and went into an Apple Store Everyone enjoyed; it is good they don't have any Windows."

"Flight attendant: ""will you perform exit row duties in the event of an emergency?"" Me: ""yes"" In my head: ""No we're all gonna die"""

"You gotta give it up to whoever invented mistletoe at Christmas, all they did was hang up a weed, but were like, ""now ye must kiss me."""