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Joke of the Day

"E.T.'s last name was ""Cetera"""

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"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper."
"What discovery was the garden's mathematician excited about? AVOCADO'S NUMBER!"
"Just saw an old man in the park feeding the birds Wonder how long he'd been dead"
"The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth."
"Kanye joins One Direction as a replacement for Zayn... He kicks everyone out of the band and says: ""If there's only one direction, it's West."""
"The Disturbing Reason Why the Chicken Crossed the Road Will Change Your Life Forever... ...It was good for traffic."
"I skipped leg day at the gym, but don't worry I balanced it out by skipping arm day, chest day, ab day, and back day so I'm good to go."
"Every time I hang out with my old roommate from college, we get drunk. I think he may have a drinking problem..."
"In 2003 an Olive Garden waitress told me to tell her when to stop grating cheese on my salad. As far as I know she's still doing it."