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Joke of the Day
"Siri, who's in my trunk?"
Next Joke
"What happens to superficial people when they die? They end up in a shallow grave."
"""What if we make headphones that stay in people's ears?"" ""Good idea Bob!"" [aside] ""Kill him and his whole family."" -Apple meeting"
"What do you get when you mix a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic? Someone who lies awake at night wondering if there's a dog"
"guy who wrote the Folgers jingle never got woken up with a blowjob."
"AT&T and T-Mobile are getting married! There will be no reception."
"Why don't we call it Christlmas? Noel."
"(prostate exam) Dr: WOW! I've never seen this before Me: OMG! WHAT *loud click Me: DID YOU JUST TAKE A SELFIE Dr:.. And send Me: WTF?"
"*attaches canes horizontally to dozens of old man walkers *watches slowest jousting match ever"
"Me: Cleaning up is a superpower. Don't you want to be a superhero? 5-year-old: I'll just be a bad guy."