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Joke of the Day

"I'm ""whenever my mother calls, I think it's because someone's dead"" years old."

"My son asked me to stop singing oasis songs in public... I said maybe."

"Bought a blowup doll today but I won't blow her up til tomorrow. Don't want to seem desperate."

"There was one good thing still to be said about the politician who went to prison for stalking... He was a man of the peep-hole!"

"This 5p bag tax is great I can get a 10bag for 50p"

"I hated the new X-men movie. Professor X was so lame."

"What do you do with an epileptic in a bathtub? Laundry."

"If 2 vegetarians argue... ... do they have beef?"

"[vet school] ME: Welcome, students. Hope you brought textbooks because- [spins cat on finger like basketball] -I have no idea what I'm doing"

"A Math Quip You couldn't tell an asymptote from a hole in the graph"