120506

Joke of the Day

"Watch I was walking down the street one night and a guy came up to me and said, ""Can I piss on your wrist?"" I said, ""Not on my watch"""

"you think there'd be a word for 'sleeping bag' that isn't a placeholder description of what it is"

"I just picked a Chapstick up from my bedside table, spent 30 seconds trying to get the lid off with my teeth, then realized it was a battery"

"What's a pirate's favorite rapper? Kendrick Lamarrghhhh"

"*Looking in the mirror* Fix hair. Check teeth. Fix hair. Check butt. Fix hair. Side check. Suck in. Side check. Fix hair. *Sighs* walks..."

"HILLARY: donald-- TRUMP: --wrong HILLARY: ...trump-- TRUMP: --wrong HILLARY: [smiling serenely] ...is good TRUMP: --wrong. nno wait. nno. no, no"

"Why are astrophysicists always nervous before they launch a new satellite? It can be a very Hubble-ing experience. These jokes may not be funny for you, but they are Fermi."

"She blew her only chance of ever being with me And we're still together after all these years"

"If your lawyer has a ponytail you're going to prison."

"Chuck Norris eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last is the rest of the cow."