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Joke of the Day

"OC: What does Babe Ruth and roughly 100,000 antelopes have in common? They're both ballpark figures."

"What does a 16 year old girl say in West Virginia? Get off me daddy, you're crushing my smokes"

"[at restaurant] -sees baby screaming in high chair -walks over & picks baby up -walks outside & puts baby down ""You're free,"" I whisper."

"When Life knocks you down, calmly get back up, smile, and say ""You hit like a bit$h."""

"Do you know how much cocaine Charlie Sheen uses ? Enough to kill two and half a man."

"ME: Haha you can tell them any name and they have to say it BARISTA: I have a latte for ""A Person Who Deserves Love""? ME [crying]: Hahaha"

"What did the mortician say to his new necrophiliac employee? Don't worry, you'll fit right in."

"Harry: Want to see a magic trick? Voldemort: Let's see what you got Potter. Harry: Got your nose! Voldemort: You know I hate that game."

"My daughter wanted me to be a mime for her birthday party. I was speechless."

"What vocation can transform anything into a gate? A reporter."