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Joke of the Day

"How near was the boy to his dad's tobacco stash before getting busted? Close... but no cigar."

"Interviewer: When were you most satisfied at your last job? Me: After lunch, next question."

"What is the opposite of Christopher Walkin? Christopher Reeve."

"You can catch a decent buzz from smoking catnip but don't be surprised if you wake up on top of the fridge."

"The other day I saw a short man carrying an LED tv and I asked "" hey do you help carrying that tv?"" And he replied all pissed off ""Fuck off dude, this is my tablet"""

"I refuse to work with compost It's degrading"

"A horse walks into a bar. ""Too late,"" says the bartender, ""we're joking about the pope now."""

"Jokes What do you get when you cross a chicken and a bed"

"What's the most popular wine at Christmas? ""I don't like sprouts!"""

"So, I walk in on daughter masturbating with a carrot. I shout, ""Fuck! Seriously? I was going to eat that later, and now it's just going to taste like carrots!"""