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Joke of the Day

"Somebody stole my mood ring... ...I don't know how I feel about that."

"My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, but it's also terrible."

"Knock, Knock. Who's there? Opportunity. Don't be silly - opportunity doesn't knock twice!"""

"What's Hitler's favorite video game. Meinkraft"

"I once dated a guy with premature ejaculation. I don't know why. I knew it wasn't going to last. In fact, I could see it coming."

"A ham sandwich walks into a bar... ...and asks for a drink. The bartender replies, ""We don't serve food here."""

"Before you criticise someone... Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticise them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

"Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but.. Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but I'd still feel a lot more comfortable crying in a new BMW than on a bike."

"Him: What? You said I could tie you up and do anything I want. Me: WELL WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? Him: Fishing"

"Adult Trick-or-Treating: Walk around ringing doorbells & everyone gives out a shot of booze or a bong rip to each other. Make it happen."