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Joke of the Day

"Who loves fast food? Jared fogle"

"Do you want to know where the best place to buy drugs is? High Street of course!"

"Called to my managers office today He said ""you can't wear pyjamas to work you idiot!"" I replied "" everyone else does though"" He replied ""THEIR PATIENTS"""

"I was hoping to lose weight when I quit drinking, but it turns out that's not how pregnancy works."

"I got pulled over by a female cop... When I rolled down my window to ask what was wrong, she said ""NOTHING"""

"No matter how popular they get.. ... antibiotics are never going viral."

"I licked 8 lollipops and sealed them in ziplocs during my stomach flu if anyone needs to lose 5lbs by the weekend."

"Pretty messed up that you can never tell if you give a raccoon a black eye. Been punching this raccoon for over an hour."

"I'm going back to work tomorrow after the holiday break, which means playing that annual game: What food is rotting in the office kitchen?"

"[proctologist's office] ME: *unzipping pants nervously* PROCTOLOGIST: You're nervous, that's normal, but please zip my pants back up."