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Joke of the Day

"a girl took a grilled cheese out of her purse and threw it across the street like a frisbee to me i never thought i'd be able to love again"

"Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends."

"We get it car dealers, EVERY Day is a sale day. You don't have to make shit up like The Saturday After It Rained On A Friday Sale."

"What ever happened to Windows 9? Windows 7 8 9."

"I've always wanted to walk into a large room and be the most beautiful woman in there. But I'm scared of Walmarts :("

"What can you catch from ear fucking? Hearing AIDS"

"Barack Obama is planning to tighten gun purchase loopholes by executive order this week. Republicans are already planning to shoot it down."

"[girl texting me] you left a sprite in my fridge [CUT TO] Me, crossing step one off of my ""secretly move in with her"" plan"

"Doctor Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee Have you tried taking the spoon out?"

"How does the sexiest man in the world tell a joke? Like this."