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Joke of the Day

"How does the sexiest man in the world tell a joke? Like this."

"Damn girl are you the sun because you need to stay 92,960,000 miles away from me."

"Why is it so cheap to buy 12 rhombuses? Because they're a diamond dozen"

"The coolest thing about dating Mystique from the X-men is the unlimited free food samples she can get for you at Costco."

"What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew? Harry made it out of the chamber."

"Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime; teach a man to catfish and he can trick some perv in Omaha into sending him rent money."

"I freaked out my mailman today when I came to the door completely naked. I'm not sure what shocked him more, my naked body, or the fact that I knew where he lived."

"him: who is your fantasy? me: huh? him: who would you like to be stuck in an elevator with? me: the elevator repair man."

"What did the communist say at the beginning of the race? ""On your Marx, get set, go!"""

"I think my girlfriend might have an eating disorder I threw her onto the bed last night and my dog jumped up to retrieve her"