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Joke of the Day

"Barack Obama is planning to tighten gun purchase loopholes by executive order this week. Republicans are already planning to shoot it down."

"Therapist: You need to focus on setting healthy boundaries. Me: *goes home* *puts broccoli around perimeter of donut box* *eats 12 donuts*"

"Why can't you trust an atom? They make up everything."

"QUESTION: Why should a honeymoon only be six days? ANSWER: Because seven days makes a whole week."

"The doctor said I have only a month to live so I shot him. the judge gave me 50 years"

"A console gamer walks into a bar... ...only to buy a free drink for 60$ To anyone wondering this joke is not made by me but i just had to share it. Credit goes to /u/Unbiased_Bob"

"What did the man in a rush say to his bowel movement? ""I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR SHIT."""

"Give a man a fish and he'll be like, ""Dude I'm allergic to fish."" TEACH a man to fish and he'll be like, ""THTOP I THAID IM ALLERGIC TO FITH"""

"What did Steven hawking say when he first got his wheelchair? I can't stand being in this"

"I don't think gymnasts know how clearly we can see their genitals"