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Joke of the Day

"What's 12 inches long and stiff in the morning? Cot death."

"I have a hotmail email account. But don't worry, I use it ironically."

"Why did Star Wars episodes 4, 5, and 6 come out before 1, 2 and 3 Because in charge of scheduling, Yoda was."

"[Dinner with GF's parents] Thank you for having me over, can I use the bathroom? ""MAY I use the bathroom"" *slams fists down* I ASKED FIRST"

"A group of ventriloquists was murdered yesterday. Their screams were heard a mile away."

"How do you sell a chicken to someone who is hard-of-hearing? HEY!!! DO YOU WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN!?!?!?!"

"The region of Qatar that hasn't been electrified yet is called acoustic Qatar."

"Why is the demand for potato chips rising in China? They need clean air."

"What do we want?! LOW FLYING AIRPLANES! When do we want them?! NEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!"

"What did the fish thief say to the cops when he turned himself in? I gillt was killing me."