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Joke of the Day

"I have a hotmail email account. But don't worry, I use it ironically."

"I can tell when my skincare puns make you cry by how moisturiser."

"I bought a time machine. I bought a second hand time machine next Tuesday. They don't make them like they're going to anymore."

"My car's check engine light turned on, so I checked it. Yep, still there! Moving on."

"Jews and pizzas What is the difference between a Jew and pizza? The pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven."

"I sleep like a baby... With your mom's tit in my mouth."

"[bankruptcy court] JUDGE: *rubbing bridge of nose* Says here you bought 1000 bouncy castles? ME: *lips on mic* For my kingdom, Your Honor"

"Why did the Baker have brown hands? Because he kneaded a poo."

"Teacher: What family does the octopus belong to? Pupil: Nobody I know!"

"My wife lost 200 lbs! I divorced her."