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Joke of the Day

"To tell you the truth, beginning a sentence with ""To tell you the truth"" throws into question all else you've previous said."

"Where does a pirate keep his gold? In his treas-arrrr chest!"

"Story of my life Dr: Have you been getting enough exercise? Me: Does sex count as exercise? Dr: Yes. Me: No."

"Chuck Norris was what Willis was talking about."

"I hate being that creepy guy outside your window, but damn girl it's 7:30 already. You're gonna be late for work."

"What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? The porcupine has pricks on the outside."

"I have a stalker now and it's super creepy. She shows up wherever I go... her house, her job, the women's restroom. I don't know what to do."

"Worst days in United States history.. .. 9/11 and 11/9"

"Why did the mermaid cover her breasts with seashells? She outgrew her B shells."

"My mom: I was thinking of getting my grandson a drum set for Christmas! Me: Funny. I was just thinking about getting a new mother."