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Joke of the Day

"How much sex do couples have? Newly weds: ""Tri-weekly."" After 10 years: ""Try weekly."" After 30 years, ""Try, weakly."""

"CW: Aimee, could I get your signature on this agreement? Me: *pauses* (with Cheeto stained lips) *kisses paper* CW: Me: That's my signature."

"Ever since I ate that Dominos artisan style pizza I can't stop painting my bathroom."

"Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware party He was looking for a tight seal"

"What does 70 year old pussy taste like? Depends."

"What does a Chinese restaurant serve for Easter? Coloured eggrolls!"

"The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don't have to mow it."

"I asked my wife to tell me something that made me happy and sad at the same time... She said ""Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick.""."

"Welcome to Insults Us, you sack of crap. Buy some stuff if you're not too cheap. Maybe eat out of a garbage can. You'd probably like that"

"I want a relationship like from Up. She dies and I get a flying house."