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Joke of the Day

"[weather guy on TV] ""Today there will be 12 clouds. One is called Simon"""

"""It's been a business doing pleasure with you."" - Prostitutes"

"Do you know what the President said to Michelle when he proposed? I don't wanna be Obama self. P.S. I know, it was super cheesy."

"Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees? They're really good at it."

"Shark Week is just another made up holiday to sell more sharks"

"You're ""gluten free?"" How nice. I'm mostly ""money free"" so I can't be so fuckin' picky."

"I was so shocked when my girlfriend called me a lazy piece of shit in Walmart the other day that I almost fell off my motorized scooter."

"My wife is not speaking to me. We watched an old video of our wedding and she realized that I said ""You'll do"" instead of ""I do."""

"I don't see why racists are upset with Harriet Tubman being on the $20 bill... They can finally legally own a black person again."

"As a Muslim, I'm disappointed That none of my posts have really blown up yet."