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Joke of the Day

"Keep an identical glass of vodka next to the water on your bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette"

"What do you call a small, noisy dog? A subwoofer."

"My friend is addicted to brake fluid... ...but he says he can stop anytime"

"Yo mama so fat... She makes Chow Yun-Thin. (sorry..reddit)"

"What do you call a Hungarian insect who won't leave siddhartha alone? A Buddha-pest."

"What's the difference between a 5 year old kid and a bag of cocaine? Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out the window."

"I'll sleep when I'm dead. I'll sleep tonight as well. There's also a pretty good chance I'll take a nap soon."

"How many gnats does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It only takes two, but the trick is getting them in the lightbulb."

"I've done some pretty stupid things while I've been drunk, but in alcohol's defense, I've done a lot of pretty stupid things sober, too."

"I just dozed off for a minute and woke up freaking out because I thought I missed my exit."