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Joke of the Day

"Charlie Chaplin called I couldn't hear him though."

"What is Kanye West's favorite breakfast food? Omelette you finish."

"Girls can be so ungrateful, I made her breakfast in bed, & instead of saying ""Thank You"", she's all like ""How did you get into my house!"""

"If theres an otter, youre underwater. If a ferret you see, then on land you be."

"Look me in the eyes when I'm lying to you."

"The more Twitter tells me it's over Capacity, the more I think Twitter still loves Capacity and regularly sits outside her house, weeping."

"I like turntablism. Some of the samples really speak to me."

"Technically... It's only illegal when you get arrested."

"Astronaut Booty Call... I'd like to see what's under your Kuiper Belt."

"Losing a husband can be hard: in my case it was almost impossible."