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Joke of the Day

"What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? The holocaust."

"I was going to copy and paste a joke but then I cut it"

"Murphy said to his daughter ""I want you home by eleven o'clock."" She said ""But Father I'm no longer a child!"" He said ""I know that's why I want you home by eleven."""

"It must suck when a billionaire... Wakes up feeling like a million bucks."

"My car lease is up and I have to return it back to the dealer today, so I'm practicing jumping out of a moving car."

"This guy next to me says my cigarette smoke is bothering him. I'm like: Well, it's killing me and I'm not bitching about it."

"What's the difference between a New Yorker and a Canadian? A New Yorker takes the A train; a Canadian takes the train, eh."

"Nothing says you're in the Christmas spirit quite like searching 'Christmas' on Pornhub."

"A doctor says, ""I have bad news, and very bad news."" ""What's the bad news?"" Asked the patients. ""You only have 24-hours to live."" ""And the really bad news?"" I should have told you yesterday."

"Regarding today's semi-final: What is the difference between Brazil and a brassiere? One is full of boobs, while the other is a piece of clothing."