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Joke of the Day

"What do you call it when a man is given an order to take another man out lunch? A MANDATE *snicker*"

"[Hardware store] ME: I'll take one of those giant forks. WORKER: That's a rake. ME: I'm gonna eat so much spaghetti with that thing."

"You can tell the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky... Otherwise they would've called it a teethbrush!"

"what did the farmer say win he lost his tractor ""wheres my tractor"""

"Beautician: Did that mud pack I gave you for your girlfriend improve her appearance ? Man: It did for a while - then it fell off."

"Why do women wear makeup and perfume? Because they're ugly and smell bad."

"HONEST JOE'S DISCOUNT BREAST IMPLANT EMPORIUM. WHY PAY $6,000 FOR SILICON WHEN YOU CAN PAY $20 FOR WOOD"

"It's bad enough hearing people judge others based on their appearance... but when ugly people do it, I feel horrible."

"And the cat's in the cradle so the baby must be at the pet groomer's, this is a terrible mix-up."

"Why did the tornado get arrested? -For speeding theft vandalism assault and murder"