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Joke of the Day

"Why did the crab take the last slice of pizza? Because he's shellfish!"

"I told my girlfriend that I am over my ex... I don't have to feel guilty anymore."

"I'm on a seafood diet... I see food, and I eat it."

"Dear whoever is playing sweet child o' mine at 2:30 in the night at full blaring volume to disturb the whole neighborhood......NICE!"

"You texted ""SORRY"" followed by six ""!""s, and seven was the minimum I was looking for so... apology not accepted"

"Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos."

"When dealing with women, you can either be right or get laid. You can't have both."

"What was the proudest moment of Bill Clinton's life? When he was given Head Of State"

"Hubby has an alarm app where you can record your own sounds or music to wake up to. I just changed his to ""THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!!"""

"If you're about to be turned into stone by Medusa, strike a hilarious pose and at least lighten things up for the next guy."