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Joke of the Day

"Three old deaf men on a train in London Deaf man number one says 'IS THIS WEMBLEY?' The second man replies 'NO IT'S THURSDAY.' and the third man replies 'ME TO. LETS GET OFF AND HAVE A PINT'"

"Two friends are drinking in a bar...[FIXED] ....I I I cent seem to 'member rest of the joke."

"While getting the newspaper, I thought the neighbor admired my new boxers a bit too much. 'Til I felt a breeze. And remembered a button."

"Boss: Why are you late? Me: Why are you so obsessed with me?"

"My friend tells me she's sitting on the board of the local chapter of Rotory Club. I just hope they have good cushions.."

"Why did John Snow get an iPhone? For the watch."

"Different Types of Nuts. What do you call nuts on your wall? Walnuts. What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts. What do you call nuts on your chin? Dick in your mouth."

"What do you do to a chemist after they're dead? you barium"

"I say waiter there's a fly in my soup! Well throw him a doughnut - they make fantastic life belts!"

"I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think... Is there nothing on the internet that I won't masturbate to?"