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Joke of the Day

"when i tell guys i want a baby i just assume they kno i don't mean a human one. i want a baby antelope, a baby hedgehog, a baby lizard"

"Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him."

"Aren't we all supposed to die next month or is that cancelled?"

"What do you call it when a lizard can't get it up? A reptile dysfunction"

"I just got a Facebook invite to my brother's non-alcoholic Mormon wedding. I dunno which part of that sentence makes me want to cry more."

"I was gonna take a selfie, but I just checked the mirror and I still have the same face."

"Can't believe I'm not invited to things I'd never go to."

"Jobs: You Need To Have Your BA *got BA Jobs: you need 5yrs experience *5years later Jobs: You need a MA *Got MA Jobs: we need some1 young"

"BBC NEWS: Government plans to ban all Internet porn. On an unrelated note, does anyone want to buy a laptop?"

"HR wants me to give myself a self evaluation. This will be the first and last time they make this mistake."