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Joke of the Day

"Can't wait for Game 8 of the World Series, Indians vs the Dakota Access Pipeline"

"Why was the computer programmer single? Because he couldn't commit."

"I ran over someone and now there's a bunch of flowers where it happened. It's like, I came back to apologize, not be lavished with gifts"

"Did you hear about the mexican train killer? He had locomotives."

"What's one thing that a beautiful woman and a jar of peanut butter have in common? They can both make me swell up to 3 times my normal size."

"almost hit a biker while i was texting & driving today so please you guys be careful do NOT ride bikes"

"*peeks under bathroom stall* How's the wifi signal in there?"

"Why is Mortal Kombat X popular among SJWs? Because it has the Block Button. *cue the flames*"

"The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behavior"

"The GOP candidates are competing to win over Scott Walker supporters after he pulled out of the race... But all three of them remain undecided still."