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Joke of the Day

"ME: *eating fast food* VEGAN GUY: You eat that stuff? ME: Yeah VG: That stuff is gonna kill you ME: *visibly annoyed* not soon enough"

"If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?"

"I tried to eat soup with a fork. It was a strain."

"What did Judas say after capturing Jesus? Nailed it."

"Want to know how to not get malware? To late, you already clicked the link."

"My girlfriend says a 4"" penis is just fine. Still, I wish she didn't have one."

"BOSS: you're an hour late GUY WHO'S ABOUT TO INVENT DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME: oh you haven't heard?"

"Did you hear about the U2 benefit concert? It was pro bono."

"What did the blind, deaf and dumb kid get for Christmas? Cancer"

"What is the difference between a horse and a cabbage? I have never been hungry enough that I could eat a cabbage."