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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the reusable condoms? When you're done, turn them inside out and shake the fuck out of them."

"Million dollar idea: Selling shower heads at the exit of a Ryan Gosling movie"

"Someone called me selfish and then paused as if they expected me to argue."

"What do you do for a pig with sore muscles? Rub him with oinkment."

"There are so many uses for toilet paper rolls... but you have to go through a lot of shit to use them."

"How many surrealists does it take to screw in a fish? Lightbulb."

"Why are vampire families so close? Because blood is thicker than water."

"What do you say after you read a book? reddit!"

"SNAKE: im gonna bite you SNAKE CHARMER: u are so sexy S: wha- SC: *presses finger to lips* still wana bite me? S: *blushes* well not anymore"

"What's your favorite blonde joke? What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? When you smack it, the mosquito stops sucking."