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Joke of the Day

"What's your favorite blonde joke? What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? When you smack it, the mosquito stops sucking."

"*taps Canadian *mumbles ""Apple starts with..."" ""Eh?"" *whispers ""Your blood type?"" ""Eh?"" *mutters ""Best grade?"" ""Eh?"" *giggles *runs away"

"My ex girlfriend had huge tits Ahh such good mammaries"

"[first day as a server] me: how would u like your steak person: well done me: thank you that's so kind it's my first day & i'm very nervous"

"Don't grocery shop hungry. Don't go to bed angry. Don't promise when ur happy. Don't do anything. Just kinda sit there til u die."

"Don't you hate it when sentences don't end the way you think they octopus?"

"I was once accused of stealing money from work. I didn't do it but it was nice to know management also thought I wasn't getting paid enough."

"If you have 3 tweets in a row that say what you're cooking, what song you're listening to, and what your mood is... just go back to Facebook."

"What do you call a country of grizzlies that is always stoned? A hibearnation."

"Once at church I opened my eyes during prayer and saw Jesus riding around on a wolf making sure everyone's eyes were closed."