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Joke of the Day

"An apple a day Keeps the government away"

"What's red and white, red and white, red and white? Sant rolling off your roof."

"First line in frozen pizza instructions: DO NOT EAT FROZEN PIZZA W/OUT COOKING. It's almost like they know I'm the target demographic."

"Werewolves are notoriously hard to find... Otherwise they'd be known as Therewolves."

"when she gives me her autograph I love it when she signs the restraining order without dotting the i with a heart, playing hard to get I see!"

"Did you hear what happened in the Multi-Language Translation Race? Nobody made it to the Finnish Line."

"In the beginning there was nothing... Then God said ""Let there be light!"" And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better. Edit: Credit to Ellen DeGeneris."

"The higher pitched my ""hey!"" the greater the chance I don't remember who you are."

"I can control sheep by just listening to them It's true, I heard them with my own ears"

"What's big and purple and hugs your Easter basket? The Easter Barney!"