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Joke of the Day

"TIFU By forgetting my wife was allergic to seafood when I got her supper from Subway Woops, wrong Sub."

"Sorry I stuck a cheese puff in your baby's mouth when you couldn't find a pacifier."

"""I really have no idea how to pronounce my name but I won't admit it."" Guys named Geoff."

"How do you make soup from a computer? It's easy; just throw in a couple of Boolean cubes."

"Now accepting applications for a new best friend. Must be willing to let me put my fingers in your mouth. No Mexicans. No skanks. Por favor."

"How does Mike Tyson get smarter? By taking a math gainer."

"officer, buying weed from a guy who sells on the side is basically shopping local. you should be THANKING me for supporting our community."

"It's black and hangs on a wire? A bad electrician!"

"thesaurus had the greatest vocabulary of all the dinosaurs"

"A salmon that jumps on the hook for ya http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdAoQvqh7eY"