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Joke of the Day

"Why were the people in twin towers upset? They ordered pepperoni pizza but all they got was plane"

"Make sure your blind date from the internet has a big car. Nothing worse than a trunk with no leg room."

"NO SHIRT, NO SHOES, NO SERVICE Waiter: ahem *points to sign* Me: oh that's fine, I'm not ordering anything"

"How does Jesus like his hotwings? Tinder and Mild."

"Why do asians squint all the time? Because nukes are so bright"

"I'm pretty sure I'm going to die without knowing what 95% of a scientific calculator is used for."

"My week is just five days of wishing I had nothing to do followed by two days of wishing I had something to do."

"I got a new computer yesterday All it does is sing. I think it was a dell"

"[marriage counseling] Ginny- He always hides from our problems. Therapist- Is this true? Harry- *puts on invisibility cloak* No."

"I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn't recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me..."