118744

Joke of the Day

"Your crush likes your status and you start to imagine life together!"

"6: I'm done. Me: you didn't even touch your food! 6 pokes food w/finger *without breaking eye contact* The Sass is strong with this one"

"Americans choosing their orders at McDonalds more seriously than Their presidents."

"Why is it so hot? I can just feel the sweat roll down kirstie alley's thighs"

"A Liberian man has 1 pie and shares half with his friend, what does he now have? Ebola, most likely."

"My yoga teacher is awesome. She really bends over backwards."

"You are the toothpaste to my orange juice."

"Why does Mitt Romney never win at Jenga? Because he takes too much from the bottom and middle and gives it to the top."

"I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted."

"I was watching women's volleyball during the Olympics and there was already a wrist injury But don't worry, I should be fine by Monday."