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Joke of the Day

"A Liberian man has 1 pie and shares half with his friend, what does he now have? Ebola, most likely."

"Why didn't the man go under the boardwalk? He doesn't like giving in to pier pressure."

"I just googled Magnum condoms and I swear I could hear Siri laughing."

"Back in my day... You could go into a corner store with a dollar and come out with two Cokes, three candy bars, and a magazine. Now, fucking security cameras everywhere."

"What do you call a make-believe country for wizards? A magi nation"

"How do you make an English Muffin blush? You nook at its crannies."

"Just got back in the USA, I heard something about a party here? I don't know, there's a song about it and everything."

"I took my metal detector to the beach today expecting to find antiques of great value. Beach better have my money"

"Girlfriend Detective Girlfriend: ""I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. I think we should split up."" Me: ""Good idea. We can cover more ground that way."""

"Relationship Status: Got put in the friend zone by a succubus playing around on a Ouija board. I can't even get lucky in the spirit world."