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Joke of the Day

"Urban Outfitters: the most expensive way to look poor."

"You hear about the incredulous Japanese man who didn't cry at his own father's funeral? Poor guy couldn't bereave it."

"""Waiter, I'd like to send this back"" -m'am, I believe that's your husband."

"My ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish... She would dress like herself and act like a fucking bitch all the time."

"Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't like things as much as I do."

"Q: Why do dwarfs laugh when they play soccer? Because the grass tickles their balls."

"I'm a proud member of DAM: Mothers Against Dyslexia."

"""IT'S NOT A RACE, YOU GUYS!"" i yell from 6th place"

"What do you get when you mix clickbait and major disappointment?"

"[me as a ninja] [a smoke ball is thrown in a park] [when the smoke clears, all of the dogs in the park have stealthily been petted]"