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Joke of the Day

"""Waiter, I'd like to send this back"" -m'am, I believe that's your husband."

"Why didn't Jesus cross the road? Because you can't cross a road when your nailed to a cross"

"What do you call a black man in a tree? A branch manager."

"What method does the Australian god use to part the Red Sea? Oz Moses."

"Don't waste electricity. How would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?"

"A man shot a guy in the butt from 1000m away It was one helluva crack-shot."

"My girlfriend of 6 years broke up with me on the grounds that I'm an ""emotionally stunted, unfeeling, uncaring piece of shit"". I don't know how I feel about this."

"I love being a mosquito... People always clap when I'm around!"

"What's the similarity between iPhone 7 and my girlfriend? They both let me stick it in only one place."

"I'm crying and wearing a falcon glove so I get sympathy sex from people who think my falcon flew away."