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Joke of the Day

"If I had wings, I'd spread them and soar like an eagle for about ten minutes then space out on a phone wire with these fat pigeons"

"What's the difference between reddit and resturant ? Restaurants have better servers."

"I just discovered the opposite of an orgasm. It was such an anti climax."

"What did the philosophically-wise Mongol general say to motivate himself? I'm not Immanuel Kant. I'm Genghis Kahn!"

"What is the point of owning a fish? They are just furniture with the ability to die."

"Telepathy ""Huh?"" Telepathy ""Ok...let's move on. What"" Telepathy ""Please stop interrupting! What are your strengths?"" *rolls eyes* Telepathy"

"Whats up? My dick."

"When a kid wants to snuggle it means you're about to get warmth in your heart and an elbow to every single one of your other organs."

"What did Hellen Keller not see when she fell? ..... the floor"

"Sore Mccain My arms are so sore from the gym. I feel like John Mccain after the Vietnam War."