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Joke of the Day

"When a kid wants to snuggle it means you're about to get warmth in your heart and an elbow to every single one of your other organs."

"My phone changed 'loud' to 'logs' so I ""laughed out logs"" at a friend's joke. I mean, I did poop a little, BUT HOW DID MY PHONE KNOW?"

"My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?"

"""I'll have a rum and coke"" Is pepsi ok? ""Sure whatever"" *hands you a pepsi and coke*"

"Whats the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are 50 cents but deer nuts are under a buck."

"First woman on the Moon: ""Houston, we have a problem."" What? ""Never mind"" What's the problem? ""Nothing"" Please tell us? ""You know what the problem is."""

"TIL when nursery rhymes are playing in the car but your child is no longer in the car then the songs were probably never for him in the first place."

"You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body."

"A guy just said he wants to know what I got ""in the trunk"" I told him duct tape, a shovel and rapid decomposition powder Flirting is hard"

"I was walking through the cemetery.. Saw a guy crouching behind a tombstone. I said, ""Morning.."". He said, ""No. Taking a shit."""